A sheer gift - James 1:2-4

When I think of trials and tests, I can think of 1000 words other than 'sheer gift'. They do not feel like a gift at the time, AT ALL. This verse, and in particular this translation, really came into my life in the hardest and darkest season of my life so far. I had never felt so broken, so hopeless, but at the same time, so close to Jesus. I felt like He just was carrying me in His arms, helping me get up each morning and get through each day. I was under intense and damaging pressure during those preceding months and my faith life, I am sad to say, was not where I would have liked it to be when it came to a head. But it wasn't long until I stumbled across this 30 day devotional by Kay Warren called "Choose joy" (linked below) and on one of the days, August 13th, 2018, this verse just jumped out at me, and I wrote the following passage:

"So I was watching this daily devotional and I was incredibly challenged by a verse that I have heard many times before that holds a completely different and deeper meaning for me now. There have been many moments where I have just wanted to skip to a place where I didn't hurt, where I'd finally cried all my tears, and where painful triggers had turned into fond memories, but this verse reminds me of my ultimate goal. The goal of being more like Jesus, the goal of learning and growing, and the goal of becoming stronger in my faith and in myself. It's so hard to consider pain as a gift and to find joy when it hurts, but if I truly want to be more like Him then I have got to not try and get out of anything prematurely. It reminds me of the 'bear hunt' kids song game - sometimes, to get to the other side you have to just go through it, there's no easy way out. And that's okay because I know where my trust lies and I know that He will never fail and He has given me so much to be thankful for and to find joy in each and every day."

By God's grace and love, I am past this particular season and doing really well now, but there have definitely still been some painful challenges in learning to trust God and surrender (my favourite word again ;) ) my plans and my desires to Him when things have fallen through. And this verse continues to be so relevant through this crazy Covid year as well. If there is any year, it is 2020 where tests and challenges are coming at us from all sides!!!!

When things are going well, it is very easy to slip into being comfortable in your faith journey and go to church, read the Bible, pray regularly etc and your "colours" look fabulous! But when times get tough, the "true colours" come out. So if you believe in Jesus, stop and have a think to yourself about what the Covid pressure (or other pressures) have shown you about your faith life.... How has not going to church since March has affected your faith life? How has not being able to see other Christian friends in person affected your faith life? Do you view this season as survival until we get back to "normal" church and routine or are you willing to honestly reflect now and see what the "true colours" of your faith life look like? This is definitely a challenge I am putting to myself too! I know for me, that in our first lockdown, I saw Covid as such a temporary thing, and after a few weeks of being really disappointed and struggling to settle into this new normal (where instead of being out more than I was home, I was home ALL the time), I decided I was going to try and make the most of it, being mostly okay to just have a few months of this, even enjoying it. But over these last couple of months as the reality of how the world has actually changed forever is starting to sink in, I've had to really stop and think about what I'm going to do to make sure that my faith life not only doesn't start to die down, but actually becomes more "mature and well developed". And honestly there have been days where I've felt so tired of feeling like I was doing this faith thing on my own, where I've been discouraged or disconnected with God or just disinterested or distracted and not as faithful in spending time with God. So my "true colours" are in the process of being refined but I'm really trying making God an even bigger priority than I did before Covid. And I'm really noticing how much easier I'm finding it to keep up with my billion uni assignments, deal with the ups and downs and joys of work, be available for my family and my friends, and exercise, eat better and go to sleep at a decent hour (mostly ;) ). Because when our priorities are right, and we are trusting in Jesus, the other things seem much smaller and easier to handle.

So just as that really hard season was a gift in how it revealed some core issues to work on that I didn't even realize I had, and my faith grew so much seeing God lovingly piece me back together despite everything that had happened, this Covid trial is such a gift too. It's shown me how I was somewhat relying on my church and my community to stay accountable in my faith journey, and is giving me the opportunity to grow in my faith life and to really trust God with an ever growing list of unknowns that not only are just about my life, but the world I live in too. I am a huge journaler (which I do strongly encourage you to do too!) and there are many seasons where I've been able to look back and see how with each "gift" God has grown my capacity and the trials have been more challenging each time. So that's another reason why we need to actually make the most of each trial and learn as much as we can, and get as close to Jesus as we can, so that we are as "well developed" as possible to be able to deal with the next "gift"!

You can sign up for the "Choose joy" daily devotional to be delivered to your email each day, free here: http://kaywarren.com/devotions/ It's amazing, such gold and I really encourage you to check it out! xo