It is 3 weeks until the wedding day and we have excitedly been counting down the days as we tick off to-do list items. Everything is falling into place so beautifully and it is all starting to feel incredibly real. With so much focus on this new chapter of our lives and everything that goes into the preparation for the big day, let alone beginning a marriage, it didn’t hit me until a couple of weeks ago that the beginning of a new chapter means the end of another one. Mum gave me a box to start packing up my room and all of a sudden I was like oh my goodness, this is actually happening. My bed, my room, my stuff, my routines - everything that I’ve ever known is about to change.
It’s the strangest feeling and every emotion is hitting at any random moment and tears triggered by cold raisin toast may have occurred. I am so ready to begin this new chapter and the excitement and sometimes impatience to start my happily ever after with my perfect prince, plus the stress of the constant mental to-do list of all the tiny little last minute things for the wedding, plus the general fatigue from working plus busy life preparing to move into our little unit and the work that we are doing to get it ready, plus the sadness of leaving my family is a lot in my head and it can be overwhelming and exhausting at moments. As a woman who likes to have things organised and be prepared at all times, it is a weird spot to be so close to all this new change but yet not being able to fully start learning until we actually are married. I would love to be able to “practice life” before I actually step into this new stage of my life so I could test out what I’ve learnt that will be helpful and where the areas are that I still need to grow in, but unfortunately life doesn’t work that way! I can only be prepared so much in head knowledge and then I just have to sit and wait until the right time to be able to continue practical learning of running a house and being married.
As part of our marriage preparation, we put together a weekly schedule, started a meal plan and I had a good plan in mind to balance work and my new life so I was starting to feel under control and ready to start this new chapter. Until another curveball hit this week which means I’ll be working more hours than anticipated (which is great for the long term goals) but all the pressures that I didn’t realize the extent to what I had put on myself all came bubbling back to the surface. My perfectly under control plan got tipped upside down and all of a sudden I was filled with doubts about how I would manage to keep up with work, manage all my outside commitments and family/friends, and be a good wife and take care of our house. But the thing with chapter books is that until you actually turn the page over, you don’t see what’s on the next page. I can’t troubleshoot or anticipate what will be hard and what will be easy, just like in all seasons, I just have to take one day at a time. As I was reflecting on all this yesterday, God brought a new revelation to my life Bible verse - Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps”. The word “steps” jumped out at me. I’ve always thought that verse to mean that I plan to go one way and God has the bigger and better plan to go another way, but more than that, it struck me that I like to plan my whole “course” and all God calls us to is just each next “step”. It brought me so much peace to remember that God has planned this step, and He will be with me and all I have to worry about for now is one step. I’m not going to have everything all perfect straight away, or even ever! Life will continue to change with new seasons and challenges, but His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23) so every day God will help me do all that’s on my to do list, and help me keep Him at the top of my priority list and then everything else in the right order after that.
There are a few things that I am doing to help me not only process everything I’m doing and feeling, but also to enjoy the season I am in to the fullest. One of the things that has been helping me is talking lots - to my fiancé, to my parents, and to other trusted people in my life. Being open about all that’s going on in my head helps everyone know when to give me grace and hold me if I cry and dance with me when I’m over the moon excited. Additionally, talking it out helps me debrief and helps me sort through what I’m feeling so I feel so much more under control afterwards. Another thing is journaling - writing down as honestly as I can everything that I’m thinking helps me to visually see the picture of all that’s going on, and to see the ebbs and flows over the months. Directing a lot of journaling in a prayer to God also brings my focus away from my feelings and back onto God’s truth. Amongst everything, being intentional to stop and spend time with God in His word, put on worship music as I work or in the car, and pray as I walk have also been crucial things for my sanity and my peace. His truth is the rock to keep me grounded and not melt away in my to do list!
Something else that has been so good in keeping us centered is remembering to be grateful. Every morning Jacob and I text good morning and write down 3 things we’re grateful for and that’s something we want to continue (in a new way) when we’re married. Starting the day off stopping and thinking about what we are grateful for that day, and many times it’s something that is not a natural feeling of thankfulness, but a choice to praise God and be thankful like - “thankful for God’s grace in the unknown”, “thankful that even though I have no idea what this next chapter will be like, I’m choosing to trust God is with me every step of the way”, “thankful that even though I’m stressed and have a million things on my mind, I can have joy in today because God is good’.
Despite the unknowns and little stress points, this season of engagement has been the best 6 months of my life. It has been so different than I imagined with where my stress points have been and to be honest, in a lot of ways it’s been a much less stressful process than I anticipated but it’s been a much more emotional process than I expected. I am so happy and so excited to marry my prince and God has continued to be unbelievably faithful to us in opening doors and leading us every step of the way. It has certainly been a huge growing season and I know the next one to come will be even bigger but I will have my best friend beside me every day and I know God will also be with me every step through this next chapter. I hope this encourages you whatever season you are in or stepping into and sending much love to you all! Love Isabelle xo
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