There is no denying that words have power. Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”. Which is so true - when someone says something really nice to us, we feel amazing, and when someone says something that is unkind, then it makes us feel terrible. One of the truest sayings is “hurt people, hurt people”. We are all broken and have experienced hurts in some way and when people don’t know how to deal with them properly, they get bottled up and taken out on other people. Looking at this both ways - when I am struggling with something, I need to make sure that I don’t take out my frustration or hurt out against like, my mum who is just asking me to put away the dishes. And when hurtful words are spoken to you unfairly, don’t always take it 100% personally because more likely than not, there’s something deeper going on and as loving, forgiving Christians, we are called to have compassion and love the people who hurt us.
Having said all that, I’ve gone through some serious damage control after a very close person in my life spoke some things to me and over me that although were not malicious in intent, absolutely destroyed every ounce of self worth that I had. When that person left my life, I still believed a lot of the stuff that he had said and honestly thought that literally no one would ever want to marry me because apparently I was not enough both in what I look like and who I was as a person. And I blamed myself for all my flaws and all the mess that had happened. First I tried running away my pain, which didn’t work, but a few months later I caught up with a lady from my church who gave me some straight hard truths. She asked me if I could honestly say that what I was believing and what was going round my head was the absolute truth. Was it right that I was beating myself up about letting everything happen like it did, because should I or could I have known better when I had never gone through anything like that before? And if it wasn’t the truth, what is GOD’s truth about the lies I was believing? So one by one, I journaled through these things that I started to see were just lies spoken over me and not God’s truth. God’s truth is that I am precious, I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I am more than enough because God is the one who defines my worth and makes me enough through what He has done. So I really encourage you to think through the negative thoughts going around in your head and think to yourself “is this really true? Would God say this about me?” and if not, rebuke it in Jesus’ name and replace it with God’s truth about you.
There is also a prevention technique to help you before you experience the damage from hurtful words - if someone says something mean to you or about you, ask yourself “would I go to this person for advice and do I honestly value their opinion?” I don’t mean this in an unkind way, but you do have to be careful and have boundaries over who speaks into your life because they will either build you up or tear you down. And it’s okay to not take every person’s advice, in fact I would actually say it is vital that you put everything you hear through a ‘Holy Spirit filter’ to determine whether it is something that you should take on board or not. Constructive criticism, when given by someone in your life who loves you and has your best interest at heart, may not be fun to listen to, but it is helpful so don’t ‘disregard everything except pure affirmation’. But if someone hasn’t earnt the right to speak into your life, and is saying negative things about you and/or to you, then you actually don’t need to listen to them and take those words to heart.
This goes for self talk as well - I am often guilty of this as I struggle with perfectionism and failing to live up to this impossible standard so I often write down some things that I think about myself, and replace it with what God says about it. I mentioned this in a previous blog post, but having a ‘let it go journal’ is perfect for this - write it down and say God’s truth out loud. There is power in speaking LIFE and TRUTH over yourself. I was watching a video the other day that talked about how guilt is such a strong motivator for people’s actions and I realized how true that is even in my own life. How I’m so tempted to make decisions that avoid other people getting hurt, even at the cost to myself because I don’t want to deal with the guilt. But Jesus says “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free…..If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed” (John 8:32, 36). God doesn’t want me to be dragged down by the burdens I try to take on myself - “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9) so when I mess up, I can be set free from my own guilt when I confess and repent. And when it’s actually not my burden because it’s not my job to make or keep people happy, He says to “Cast your anxiety upon Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7) and “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). That is God’s truth - God doesn’t say ‘beat yourself up and dwell on past mistakes, regrets or disappointments forever’, He says to give it all up to Him.
I say all of this to encourage you, (as I continue to learn this as well) to really focus on the REAL TRUTH more. Whether it’s from words spoken to you by others, words spoken by yourself or feelings like guilt that try to keep you stuck, stop and put them through the Bible and Holy Spirit filter to see whether God’s truth aligns with it, and if not, let it go and give it all to Him. Embrace the freedom that Jesus died for and cling to the truth of what He says about you.
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