My Re:generation story/testimony

Starting this year, I was not in the greatest place and was struggling a lot mentally, emotionally, and with connecting with God. I just felt very numb and didn’t know what else to do to get me unstuck and back to normal. Our church was starting this pilot program from Watermark church in Dallas, called Re:generation which my mum was doing and one particularly tough day, I sat crying at a coffee shop with her and she suggested this course might be exactly what I needed. Regen is a Biblical based recovery program, loosly based on AA but goes through the 12 steps with the basis of building your foundation on Jesus and figuring out and working through root issues which often brings the freedom from addictions or struggles. So I signed up and it has been extremely challenging and confronting - the deepest soul search you can imagine but I can honestly say that today, I am doing the best I have in about 3 years, if not ever. I have learnt so much about myself and about God's love for me, and I'm so grateful to God for this opportunity and for the freedom it has brought to every area of my life. Tonight was the celebration of almost 9 months of daily bookwork and weekly meetings and we all shared our testimony of what God has done in our lives this year so I wanted to share mine here as well so you can hear what amazing work God has done in me this year.

Hi, my name is Isabelle, I have a new life in Christ and I’m recovering from perfectionism, fear and self-reliance.

Before I came to regeneration I was battling mild depression, anxiety and low self-worth, and I struggled to accept God’s grace and forgiveness. I felt broken, numb and stuck and knew I had to do something to help me get out. I had built walls around my heart and didn’t really trust anyone, expecting people to always let me down. And I was so frustrated with how God had made me.

When I began regeneration I thought my issues were hurts against my heart and rejection but through my inventory God showed me a much deeper root of perfectionism in trying to earn love from God and from others. He revealed how many self-protection mechanisms I had subconsciously put in place out of fear of losing people or letting others down. And He showed me that I am deeply and unconditionally loved because of who I am, not what I do. Ephesians 2:8-9 says – “For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works so that no one would boast.” I knew this in my head, but there was a disconnection with my heart and I honestly didn’t know if I would be whole again.

Because of Christ, today my life is different because I am living in more freedom, confidence, security and God’s strength instead of my own because I know I can trust God’s love, God’s plan and God’s purpose for me. I am not reliant on myself to do all that I need to do each day, and am able to let go of fear, control, regret, past hurts, other people’s expectations, and trying to live up to my own impossibly perfect standard. I no longer see myself as unworthy, unlovable and made with mistakes because I know God made me the way I am for a reason and His purposes. And my desire to spend time with God and become more like God has grown so much. My conscience is sharpened and I’m much more aware of and proactive about my sin. And my relationships with others have improved and deepened.

I am not finished – God is still changing me by teaching me how to bring Him into the little everyday things and by reminding me that I can trust Him with everything. He is helping me focus my attention on Him first and not turn to others or distractions when I’m struggling. And He is helping me to surrender my day and my future to Him more every day.

If I could encourage you with 1 thing, it would be that there is no amount of brokenness that God can’t fix if you let Him - 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”