Relationships are one of the most exciting and fulfilling aspects of life, but finding someone to spend the rest of your life with is not something to be taken lightly. Many of us sign up to dating with the best intentions, hoping that it won't end in heartbreak but will turn into a happily ever after, but sometimes they turn into learning opportunities instead. After 2 breakups, and now finding my prince, I wanted to share some of the 'green flags' that I have experienced that has helped me to know that he is the right one for me. I will just add a disclaimer here that praying about your relationship is the NUMBER 1 thing!! Going to God about all our decisions is so important, and the decision of who you marry is the second most important one of your life (giving your life to God is #1) so please always go to God first. This check list is just a practical support of things to look for that have helped me along the way.
1. The man and woman need their own strong relationship with God.
2. Going to God before coming to the girl/guy... Jacob prayed a lot about me while we were just friends, which meant that by the time that I was asked out, he was pretty sure he wanted to spend forever with me. This not only shows intentionality and respect for me, but shows patience and wanting to seek God's will and only pursue me if he felt that God was in our relationship.
3. 'Settled-ness' in the relationship from both ends - it truly is a feeling of deep peace. It is so hard to describe, and when people told me about how you 'just know' before, I thought it was so unhelpful, but there is a settled-ness about being in this relationship that I have never felt before.
4. Our families and friends are super supportive of our relationship. I know sometimes there can be family issues where opinions might be skewed and unhelpful. However, in your close circle, the reality is, they know you a lot better than you realize and can see how a new guy on the scene blesses you or brings you down. So if they are supportive of the relationship then that's a good objective indicator that you're with someone that could be 'the one'.
5. You both individually feel like you're punching above your weight. You don't want to marry someone that you feel like you're settling for, you want to marry the person that you think is the most amazingly perfect and wonderful person. They will not be perfect, and hopefully they will let you see that because relationships need to be open and honest, but there is a love that sees the best in them and makes you feel like the luckiest girl/guy in the world.
6. You bring out the best in each other. Dating highlights your own flaws to a whole new level (which is just fantastic ;) ) but it gives you an opportunity to work on those areas and grow to become a better version of yourself. Being with Jacob and seeing his strengths, inspires me to work on myself in those areas, and vice versa. We are always learning and growing, and it's so important to be in a relationship with someone that you can grow alongside with. Ask yourself honestly whether the person that you are with is leading you towards God or distracting you away from God. Also, being with them should bring out your most joyful, happy, content self - there is always a smile on my face whenever someone even mentions the name Jacob, let alone when I am with him.
7. Yes absolutely, opposites attract and there are some amazing couples who are totally different personalities, but there is a certain level of at least being on the same page that makes life a whole lot easier to do together. There are some practical things you have to honestly think through in personality types to know whether you could spend your life with them. For example, one person might always like to plan things last minute and punctuality isn't a big deal, and the other person might be a super type A personality who likes a fully planned schedule every day and being on time is really important to them. So look out for those types of things that in dating, don't seem important, but could potentially be a conflict trigger later on in the relationship.
8. You both can laugh together lots. Life is tough, and in tough seasons that you know will come, you need someone who you can laugh with about the most random things, and who helps you find joy in all the little every day things as well as the big things. Laughter is a gift from God and is something that should be valued way more than it is.
9. There is a respect for one another's differences in interests. There will likely be things that one of you likes to do and the other doesn't as much, but in relationships, there needs to be mutual respect and compromise for when you do things together. The movies you watch, the music you listen to, the places you go - there are likely preference differences but as long as there is equal selflessness in doing what the other likes, then that will lead to a happy relationship. Additionally, there needs to be the freedom to 'release' the other person to go out with 'guy'/'girl' friends and do the things they love, even if it's not with you. It's important to continue healthy, already established friendships, and if there are issues or possessiveness over your time, that's a sign that this is not a person who respects you.
10. A lot of qualities in a good relationship depend on humility and selflessness, and putting the other person before yourself. This includes how the other person wants to see you shine more than themselves. They will be constantly looking to build you up and 'show you off' so others can see how awesome you are, not drawing attention to themselves and how great they are, or trying to compete with you for who is 'better' at whatever the conversation might be about.
11. Another good sign that you are with someone who is God's best, is that you both are equally yoked - you both agree that God is 1st in your relationship and actively live that out through things like covering each other in prayer, encouraging the other to read the Word, and living out your faith authentically etc.
12. Spending your life with someone requires you to be on the same page as them about big issues. It's so important to have those conversations early enough in the relationship that you know that you are both compatible together. So if you are like minded in principles regarding how you spend money, if you want kids/how many, and what your involvement with church looks like, etc, then that's a good indication this relationship could work.
There are of course plenty of other things that are tell tale signs whether the person you are looking to date or dating already is the one you want to commit your life to, but hopefully this list of things that I have experienced myself gives you some ideas of things to look out for. Remember that there is not necessarily just one specific person in the world you are 'supposed' to be with/THE right one, but there is wisdom in practically thinking through whether the person is A right choice. And then you can decide whether the person who is A good choice is the one you definitely want to commit to. Praying this encourages you in your search for finding 'the one' you want to spend your life with! Lots of love, Isabelle xx
This makes my heart so happy for you 😍😍😍